Depressed? Not today

     Apologies beforehand if this comes across as me being in need of Midol lol.
    As I write this post I think it is important to note that writing about being depressed when you are not depressed is actually not too painful.
    A few days ago I had someone tell me that my self deprecating humor had became "old trick". It hurt quite a bit. Looking back on it I can see how this person came to that conclusion but what they didn't realize is that for me it is definitely not a trick or a ploy. It is, for me anyways, a defense mechanism. Most days when I wake up my first thought is "I am not good enough"...for my job, my kid, my wife or my life... for anything really. So by cracking jokes at my own expense it helps me smooth over the rough patches that I may be going through. And I keep on moving.
     What is weird about my depression (it is different for everyone) is that I don't seem to have much to be depressed about. I have a good job that doesn't suck (compared to hitting the lottery it may suck just a little lol). I have good family and friends. But it is still there. I think that is what makes it so dang scary. It is easy to plan a defense or even an attack if you have a cause of pain or a target,  but when you wake up and it is just there... weighing you down and taking you to that dark place... it is just frightening. So we keep moving. While moving we move into a brighter place and then we move into a darker place etc., etc. In a perfect world we use the anger and fear from that darker place to keep us in that lighter place, but as we all know it ain't a perfect world. For some people they never get out of that dark place and it destroys them. I don't have that luxury. I want to see how my story plays out... see if I become a writer... see if my kid grows into a great man... more importantly see if he grows into a GOOD man (the world needs all of those it can get). I heard something along the lines of "a man can't walk out of his own story till it's over" and my story doesn't seem to be over yet. So I think I'll keep moving. How about you? You gonna keep moving through the dark to the light? I hope so. Remember, the best stories have all kinds of twists and turns and change real quick.