New year... now what?

    I used to put absolutely zero stock in the whole new year's resolution thing. This year, especially here lately, I am trying to look at some things a little differently. So I may make some resolutions this upcoming year, like to quit smoking... I mean I don't smoke so that means I am a success already, no? I know, corny joke lol. So instead of looking at it like new year's resolutions I am looking at it as merely conveniently timed goal setting :)
     This year some of my goals, in no particular order, are:
to be more financially responsible- Money is a strange creature. It always seems that the more you have the more you need lol. I am not sure if that goal will mean making more money or spending what I do make more wisely.
to get healthy- Notice I did not say healthier lol.When I tell people how much I weigh and they say "you don't look that heavy" it is a good thing, or so I used to think. I realize that by not looking "that heavy" all the fat I am carrying is stuff around my heart and other organs...ewww lol. So I need to get healthy because I simply am not.
to be less angry and more mellow and relaxed- This may come as a shock to some that know me (tongue firmly in cheek right here) but I have a temper and have been known to get angry sometimes...I know... shocker, right? Here is the thing, if you were to ask me to name the things that I have gotten angry about in the past week I could not remember them all. It seems to me that if I am going to get angry enough punch walls, people, balloon animals and stuffed bunnies I should remember what it was that pissed me off lol. Life is short and getting shorter every day so maybe, just maybe I should try this happy stuff that everyone is talking about :)
       So there you have it, three of my goals for 2013 (wow). Wait, wait, got a bonus goal for me: WRITE MORE AND MORE OFTEN 
     Let us know in the comments what you are looking to change/attain/create/ whatever in the upcoming year.

Merry Christmas

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL... or just have a great day if you are not a holiday person :) What are your favorite Xmas day/ Xmas eve movies are to watch? I am partial to Nightmare Before Christmas myself. Let me know your go-to movies, tv shows, etc in the comments.

Riddle me this...

     What is it that all the money in the world can't buy, but negativity and apathy can give away?
     After the tragedy in Newtown this past week this riddle really hits home, for me at least. Seems like for a lot of us it takes something so gut-wrenching and tragic to yank us out of our own stuff. Such an event makes us put down our masks and armours for a bit. We get beyond the selfishness, the macho crap, the petty grudges, the bitchiness, etc. We see life for how fragile it is, how fleeting.  It makes us look differently at things. The aches, pains, and dizzy spells that we might normally not bother with become something that we hit the ER to get checked out. So don't waste a moment. Chase the dream job (even if it isn't going to make you the most money), rescue an animal from the shelter, hug your family just a bit longer, take a few moments for yourself and just breathe... you guys get the point. Do any, all, or none of the above. Find something that makes you humble and grateful. Find your peace and learn to let things go. 
     We hear all the time "let us pray for the people affected by such and such tragedy". Well, okay. You know what? We all are affected by the tragedies big and small. So if you are religious or spiritual... pray for us all. If not then throw some healing energy out there for everyone. Meditate a better world. Bring some positive energy into existence, whatever your beliefs. These are just a Freezermonkey's musings. As always feel free to leave a comment.
     By the way the answer to the riddle at the start of this post is... time. Make the most of it.
   

Depressed? Not today

     Apologies beforehand if this comes across as me being in need of Midol lol.
    As I write this post I think it is important to note that writing about being depressed when you are not depressed is actually not too painful.
    A few days ago I had someone tell me that my self deprecating humor had became "old trick". It hurt quite a bit. Looking back on it I can see how this person came to that conclusion but what they didn't realize is that for me it is definitely not a trick or a ploy. It is, for me anyways, a defense mechanism. Most days when I wake up my first thought is "I am not good enough"...for my job, my kid, my wife or my life... for anything really. So by cracking jokes at my own expense it helps me smooth over the rough patches that I may be going through. And I keep on moving.
     What is weird about my depression (it is different for everyone) is that I don't seem to have much to be depressed about. I have a good job that doesn't suck (compared to hitting the lottery it may suck just a little lol). I have good family and friends. But it is still there. I think that is what makes it so dang scary. It is easy to plan a defense or even an attack if you have a cause of pain or a target,  but when you wake up and it is just there... weighing you down and taking you to that dark place... it is just frightening. So we keep moving. While moving we move into a brighter place and then we move into a darker place etc., etc. In a perfect world we use the anger and fear from that darker place to keep us in that lighter place, but as we all know it ain't a perfect world. For some people they never get out of that dark place and it destroys them. I don't have that luxury. I want to see how my story plays out... see if I become a writer... see if my kid grows into a great man... more importantly see if he grows into a GOOD man (the world needs all of those it can get). I heard something along the lines of "a man can't walk out of his own story till it's over" and my story doesn't seem to be over yet. So I think I'll keep moving. How about you? You gonna keep moving through the dark to the light? I hope so. Remember, the best stories have all kinds of twists and turns and change real quick.

Wednsday Quote

     Just a quick quote.

Worry not that no one knows of you; seek to be worth knowing. Confucius

Writing blues

     So I have a laptop for writing. I have pens, pencils, notebooks scattered all over the place for writing. Hell, I am even writing this on an Alphasmart Neo, which I bought for writing. You want to hear the funny part...I don't freaking write. Not a word...when I open the word processing programs on my computer or open a notebook I sit and stare. That's it... and it is starting to piss me off. I mean really, how freakin hard is it to put writing utensil to paper or fingers to keyboard and just write. Apparently very hard for me. So I procrastinate or I allow myself to get sidetracked by the Internet or the silly little games that come on my phone. Or maybe I blame my technophobia lol. But rest assured I find a reason to not write. And it pisses me off. Seems to me that if I was meant to be a writer it would come easy. I would have read more, been a better student, have a greater interest in the classics (whatever they are). But no... it ain't easy, I don't read or write enough, and I wouldn't even know a "classic" if it fell on my head. So I don't write. And, I may have mentioned it before, it pisses me off. So I here i am over a week into NaNoWriMo and I haven't written a word. Guess what... You got it. It pisses me off. Maybe I should call it quits. Just go on being what I have always been... maybe... maybe not.
     Before I throw in the towel and start re gifting all my writing paraphernalia maybe i should look at some things. Most importantly, I am writing right now. I am writing this rant or whatever you want to call it. Another thing is the quote that goes "If it were easy, everyone would be doing it." I know an eight year old that just finished his first 5K race. I asked him how was it and his first response was that it was a nightmare. I asked how he felt when he crossed the finish line though and his response, with the truth that is an intrinsic part of kids, was "Famous". One more thing about this kid... he spent the first few weeks of his life in a cast and went through several surgeries for his feet so he could walk. Kind of says something about getting past the difficult things in life, don't it?
   

Just a quote

Sometime the simplest statements become so very true and profound. 

Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened. Dr. Seuss

 

Stillness

     You ever have one of those days when you are sure your life is going to shake apart? Sure you have! We all do. It doesn't matter if it is job, relationship, moving, or any combination of them with a cosmic meltdown stirred in. Things get shaken up from time to time in life.Sometimes when things are at their most hectic, or "shakiest" if you will, is the time when you need to step back and simply be still. This can mean dropping off the grid for a couple of days or it an mean something as simple as taking an extra long shower. The important thing is to take a small step back from what is causing the most shaking because "still" ain't always still lol. It could mean not worrying about schedules or what the bastards and bitches you may work with are saying to get under your skin. It might mean forgetting about what kind of dumb-assery the people in your life are up to so you can work on and finish the book, painting, quilt, video, etc etc. Hell it might even mean forgetting about your job and focusing on keeping a fire going while worrying about your shelter falling on your head lol. Maybe it is means turning off the TVs, smart phones, computers. Stepping back and just sitting for five minutes being, you know, still.

Poetry from a FreezerMonkey

　
      Had no clue what to put on here today, but apparently I have to put something... so I have been told lol. I'm trying to keep this somewhat regular (once or twice a week) so here goes. This is something I wrote a little bit ago. People that know me will be surprised that I can string a thought together, let alone create something close to poetry :) Let me know what you think.

Struggling
Hanging as if by a loose tether,
tossed about by a storm of memories.
Thrown about like someone’s garbage,
into the truck I go.
Crushed down deep into myself,
fighting for every breath.
Pushing through the shit,
finally I break through.
Struggle is growth.

     I don't know anything about poetry or creativity of any kind but I do know that sometimes when you are at your most angry or lonely or whatever you can come up with some gold even when you feel like all life is giving you is crap. But every bit of growth in this condition we call human is created by some kind of struggle. Whether it is getting in shape or growing a child, it is some form of struggle and growth. So remember when it gets bad to keep struggling and you just may break through whatever it is. And if you don't at least you never gave up...and that may be the point of it all.
     As always, these are just musings, mutterings, and mental meanderings of a FreezerMonkey and should be treated as such.  

What's in a name?

     Since I may eventually have more people following this little experiment than just two or three, I guess I should explain how FreezerMonkey's Musings came about.
     The name FreezerMonkey is associated with the job I do. I never really got behind making a job sound fancier than it is. You know what I mean, a janitor becomes a "custodial engineer" or a garbage man becomes a "sanitation removal specialist"... that sort of thing. So one day the boss of the boss of the boss of my boss (a long-winded way of saying a company big-wig) comes in and is making the rounds. Doing the "hey you guys are doing a great job" schtick. Well anyway he comes to me and says, "You still doing this? How is it going?". And before I could stop myself I say, "Well, I think I'm the only one who has an IQ low enough to kinda enjoy this. All I am is a freezer monkey so I guess it's going ok."
     And that is the somewhat boring story of where I came up with my FreezerMonkey moniker, although it wasn't so boring for my bosses. They really weren't expecting that kind of honesty lol. But it all worked out. I do my job pretty well most days and when I don't someone lets me know lol.
    

Choices

     So a week or so ago I not only took another step deeper into my forties but I also had to deal with the second anniversary of my Mom's passing. This year it hit me real hard...it still is hitting me hard. 
     I know that is a depressing topic but it is one that everyone will have to deal with and truth be told there is no damn way to make it easy or painless. All we can do is try to remember the good things and let the tears flow if you need to... no shame in it even if you are an old man :)
     I think that everyone reaches a point where they have to choose... something, anything. I try to stay as unchanging as possible. I did a pretty good job of it too. Right up until my Mom passed away. Now I can't keep any kind of footing and it has been two freakin' years. So all I can do is choose to accept the emotional roller coaster and do my best to put on the stoic face the rest of the time. Ultimately, everything in life is some kind of choice. A choice not to choose, a choice to forgive or not , a choice to stay with or leave someone. The one thing we don't really have a choice in is dying but even that creates choices for those we leave. So how are you choosing to live, love, be remembered, or simply to be? Make choices and make some of them count even.

Just a Little More

     "Just a Little More" is something that you may hear but not really hear. You know like when your wife is asking you to take out the trash and you just nod and say "mmm hmmm, dear". I chose it for the title of my post because I was thinking about that phrase and started delving a bit deeper into it. You hear it from coaches, athletes, in the gym, in the ring or cage, and on the field. World records are hardly ever broken by a huge amount, always just a little more gets the gold, the knockout...the victory.
     So what if you applied it to other areas? Miyamoto Musashi (famous ancient samurai, look him up lol) once said "To know one way broadly is to know all ways." So by taking that Just a Little More and applying it to your work or your relationships or simply yourself, what might happen or be created in your life or the lives of those you come into contact with? That's about it for this post. Like Bruce Lee said, "Absorb what is useful disregard what is not and make what is left uniquely your own." Hopefully this didn't waste too much of your time and maybe even inspired a little bit of thinking or looking at situations in a different way.
     I am a wannabe writer (that is a little scared of technology and doesn't write much). I figured if I start doing something on a regular basis that forces me to write then maybe I would get back in that habit and blogging seems like it could be kind of what I am looking for. I gots no clue what to write about or what direction this may head but here goes.
     This is my first blog post ever, and for a luddite like myself that's a kinda sorta big deal. You might even say this is me trying to do "Just a Little More".